You know how it is, the longer you leave something, the harder it is to come back to it. This blog is no different. But every once in a while something comes along to give you a push. Of course it is new Doctor Who figures, which means another chapter in the Ultimate Action Figure Adventure. Now we are up to part 42 which is quite poetic as if it is the answer to the ‘Ultimate Question’, that question must be ‘How many variants of the Fourth Doctor have been released?’.
But anyway, there were two ways of looking at B&Mgate 2018. Either the figure line was going out with a bang, or this was the start of a renaissance. Thankfully optimism won out as it was soon announced that not only had the sets been successful enough to warrant more exciting things next year, including another TARDIS, but a further production run of the existing sets with minor tweaks had been ordered in the interim. More on that later.
But first, cast your minds back to Christmas 2017. After ‘Twice Upon a Time’ had aired, Pearl Mackie posted a photo on instagram of a production sample figure of Bill on top of her Christmas tree. Naturally collectors were ‘triggered’, wondering ‘Where? How? What? When?’. Rumour floated about that it was an abandoned Toys R Us exclusive. But then early 2018, Amazon posted a pre order for a Bill Potts Collector figure, with an arbitrary summer release date and no promo images. It is a regular thing for Amazon to publish pre order holding pages for products long before they are actually to be solicited and they get taken down very quickly. But this just sat there. So over the months, people just casually dropped in a pre-order in the hope that one day a figure would materialise and that if there was any doubt, the support and willing might prompt the powers that be to make it reality.
We know now that B&M snuck in and secured the debut release of Bill in the figure range, despite the figures supposedly being ‘no new parts’, so a whole new figure was a shock. But Amazon were better late than never and in September, made good on their pre orders with a single packed figure of Bill Potts.
Bill Potts: This release of Bill is the exact same sculpt as the B&M set figure from ‘The Pilot’. This version however is the one seen on Pearl Mackie’s Christmas Tree and based on her appearance from the following episode, ‘Smile’ and is a pretty good match sculpt wise, so the direct re-use makes total sense. The head and arms are identical, as are the trainers. The jeans are now completely black instead of dark blue and the top is now made up of chunky and vibrant, vertical, multi-coloured stripes. There are five buttons on the front, but these are just painted on. Overall, the paint applications are slightly crisper, but this may be simply down to not having such a busy pattern as the previous release had. The only other difference of course is the packaging, which is the standard collectors series single figure box.
With Series 11 fast approaching, it was always a possibility that the production team would want a clean slate or at least pause and think before committing to any significant product releases. We had seen Thirteenth Doctor figurines announced if not released in every other range and scale other than Character’s 5.5 inch line. In fact for a while it seemed the 10 inch figure would be the primary Thirteenth Doctor figure release. However concerns over whether we would ever see a 5.5 inch Thirteenth Doctor were pretty soon put to rest as Galaxy 4 and The Who Shop within days of each other, solicited a 5.5 inch Thirteenth Doctor Collectors Figure. So at the very least we would be able to continue the Doctor line up. More than that, the figure was slated for release in January! Whilst this meant the figure had been in the works for some time, it did mean the figure would be released just after the series and Christmas special (and Christmas itself) had ended. But those that pre ordered were rewarded as the figure came into stock and was sent out to customers in the black hole period between Christmas and New Year, just in time to see the Thirteenth Doctor face off against a Dalek!
The Thirteenth Doctor: This figure shows the Thirteenth Doctor as she appears in most publicity images for Series 11 and indeed most of the episodes. Basically, she is wearing the dark blue Tshirt rather than the maroon version. The figure at a glance appears to be all new, but in fact includes some very clever parts re-use. The hips, thighs and arms are reused from Martha Jones, meaning the torso, lower legs, head, hands and coat are new. So about 25% reuse and 75% new parts. It does mean that some of the articulation is limited, for example the shoulders and elbows are hinged rather than ball jointed as on more recently developed figures like Missy. But the head is on a ball at the top of the neck, which is now part of the main torso, to avoid a ghastly seem line across the open collar.
The head is a good likeness for Jodie Whitaker and the hairstyle is nicely captured. The paint apps are simple but effective, not thick and hiding the sculpted detail. The hair does suffer a bit as it is mostly all one pale yellow with a dark crest of roots down the parting, which doesn’t exactly convince. The torso has the bare neck and collar bones captured in an unbroken sculpt, which really makes all the difference. The Tshirt is a dark blue base colour, with several horizontal, multi-coloured stripes across the chest. This is a simplification of the screen used costume which has a great deal more stripes but at this scale, it’s almost impossible to tell. The braces are bright yellow and are mostly concealed beneath the coat so as not to be too conspicuous. Looking at the coat, it is a simple, sleek shape painted mostly a sky blue, with dark blue lining and pockets painted on. The trim of the lining shows very thin rainbow stripes, just like the screen used costume, but depending on how they are applied, terminate quite abruptly as the lapel folds inwards. The hood at the back is sculpted in and static. It might have been nice to see a swappable piece like on the ‘Winder’ figures to raise the hood, but as it was never used on screen it is no big loss. The arms are the same sky blue colour with the dark blue almost spiral piping around the cuffs.
The waistband of the trousers is actually part of the torso, extending the jeans of the Martha Jones figure slightly, but it works quite well as a natural seem line. The rest of the trousers are a medium blue plastic, stopping half way down the shins, showing a bit of bare leg painted in, blue socks again and then painted brown boots. The hands are a bit odd. The left hand is spread out in either a reaching or mysterious gesturing pose. The right hand is an almost clenched fist, but designed to hold the one accessory, the Sonic Screwdriver. Because the hand is not angled, it does mean that the screwdriver can only be held at right angles to the arm like in the classic series, not in the ‘wand’ style of all the new series Sonics. Given how the Thirteenth Doctor’s signature move seems to be the flamboyant presentation of the screwdriver, it is a bit annoying. The sonic itself is a small if crude rendering of the screen used prop, painted mostly silver with yellow highlights and emitter. Nothing outstanding. So all in all, considering we might never have seen a Thirteenth Doctor figure, this has worked out very well, with some extremely clever use of existing parts. The packaging too has been updated fully. For the first time in several years we have a blister card, now featuring the new logo, the TARDIS down the left side and the Police Box doors framing the sides of the display bubble. It has to be said though that this style doesn’t in any way evoke the feel of the series now it has been broadcast (which was much more muted and earthy in terms of colour), but is at least somewhat consistent with the promotional material and other packaging for tie in product and stands out on shelves and pegs.
But wait, there’s more. Due to the reform of Underground Toys into Seven20 the partnership with Character Options was dissolved and with that went the distribution rights for the Doctor Who figure range. However Seven20 successfully obtained the license to produce and distribute 5.5 inch Doctor Who figures exclusively in North America. So for the first time ever, we would see two competitive ranges, in the same random scale, but at opposite ends of the planet. But things went massively downhill, when it was announced that having struck this deal, the US Thirteenth Doctor would be exclusive to a single and obscure retailer, ‘Toots Toys’. The prototype images showed that this figure would have a different aesthetic to the Character Options line and production samples shown at New York Toy Fair showed that two variants would be released, one with coat and one without.
In January, Toy Fair took place in London. Of course people were keen to find out if the Thirteenth Doctor would be a one off figure or if there would be an expanded range. Given Series 12 would not air until 2020 it was unlikely anything would appear in the interim. Hope won out as a three pack of Ryan, Yaz and Graham was displayed and would be released subject to retailer interest. While companions would be desirable to collectors, there is always the risk that retailers would turn down a 3 pack of regular ordinary humans. Stranger things have happened.
No monsters were proposed though, which means the last newly sculpted alien/monster/non humanoid to be released in the 5.5 inch line was Bok from ‘The Daemons’ back in 2013. Since then we have seen repaint and re-releases of various creatures, most recently the B&M Auton.
Mixed news was received on a new flight control TARDIS. Firstly reports were that it had been shelved, but soon after it was updated to potential release in 2020 to tie in with Series 12 accompanied by a teaser photo from Al Dewar. Watch this space.
Following on from the great success with the B&M sets in the summer of 2018, a restock was planned with some running changes, mostly minor paint tweaks. It should be noted however that whilst the images on the back of the box have been updated to reflect the changes, the packaging style is the same. But this will most likely be the final outing for the ‘classic’ orange and purple collector packaging, that was both stylish and vibrant and a personal favourite for the line.
The 1970’s Collectors Set: This set featured the most dramatic changes. The Fourth Doctor now has painted frilled cuffs, the jacket in slightly more pinky/wine coloured in hue a more reddish undertone shade of paint for the waistcoat, the painting on the tie seems universally poorly painted in just one thin strip but most importantly, the legs now had sculpted shoes rather than boots painted to look like shoes. The Brigadier’s uniform was also updated to be a more yellow/sand colour. The Auton however is unchanged.
The Eleventh Doctor Collector’s Set: Amy’s blouse/top is now entirely white where it was once lilac, but retains the same patterning. Oswin’s belt has been removed. The Eleventh Doctor is unchanged.
The Twelfth Doctor Collector’s Set: Bill’s jeans now have a black stripe running up the side of the leg and the bow in her hair is now a deep orange/red and her trainers are mostly black. The Twelfth Doctor and Missy are unchanged.
The TARDIS set, despite being a sell out success was not re-commissioned. Instead a new-ish set was announced for release alongside the other tweaked sets, much to the delight of collectors meaning we now had 3 versions of the same prop from 1972, 1974 and 1975.
Fourth Doctor Regenerated and TARDIS set: This set includes the TARDIS and the Fourth Doctor, immediately after regenerating in the opening scenes of ‘Robot’. The TARDIS is the ‘Planet of Evil’/’Time Monster’ box with the flat roof, which is fair as it is supposed to be the same prop but does retain the same quirks and inaccuracies. The blue is a more neutral shade. Lighter than the ‘Planet of Evil’ box but darker than the ‘Time Monster’ box. It is coloured plastic with a medium grey wash to weather it, and it works to a nice effect and brings out the detail. The phone panel is white text on a black background, but this includes the frame of the panel too, something the TV prop didn’t have at this time, so it all blends to appear as one flat panel. The roof signage has been inverted to black text on a white backing, accurate to the prop after it was refitted with dummy parts left over from ‘The Celestial Toymaker’. 
However, this has been done on all the panels for consistency despite one being the correct white text on black, one not having any text at all after being smashed in ‘The Time Monster’ and the rear of the prop being seldom seen anyway. But it is something different and sets it apart from the other boxes. The wash over the signage also helps dull it down and prevent it looking to conspicuous and frankly wrong. The lamp cage is blue but the top part is white, again with a wash, which is an odd choice, but considering at the time the TV Prop didn’t have a cage around the lamp at all, what can you do? There are no electronics,, just the standard, mechanised spring loaded door. But if B&M and Character are going to make a regular thing of this, it would be appreciated if they could fill in the speaker holes and battery compartment at the back, which look awful. It’s strange that they fixed the base so as to remove the trigger button and the on/off switch that you can’t see, but simply glue down the battery panel and call it a day.
The Fourth Doctor figure in his predecessor’s clothes, is one that has been released a couple of times but in very limited ways. Firstly in the ‘Fourth Doctor Time Capsule’ with a new head sculpt, then again single carded in the US only but with a standard Fourth Doctor head. This release is a repaint of the ‘Time Capsule’ variant. The exclusive head sculpt with slightly swept back hair is repainted into a more pinkish, flesh hue rather than the yellowish colour of the ‘Time Capsule’ release and the tanned appearance of the US version. The paint apps are consistently crisp, and interestingly the sideburns are more ginger coloured as they appeared on screen, rather than brown like the hair on previous figures. The Doctor has been given prominent eyebrows again, however compared to previous releases, these are relatively natural. The jacket and shirt ruffles had a gloss black piping effect around the frills and lapels, but here they are a medium grey, which is an interesting choice. It makes them stand out, even if it is not necessarily accurate to the black piping on black velvet seen on screen. The trousers and legs are medium grey with black shoes like the previous release.
Unlike the other revised sets, this TARDIS set has been given all new packaging to bring it on current brand. It is significantly different from the Thirteenth Doctor Figure packaging and indeed any other product styling, which flies in the face of consolidating the brand. The packaging is now a dark blue lined with a thin Gallifreyan text ribbon and a thin yellow outline around the window. To contrast against this, the right side of the window has a stencil of the 2005 TARDIS (Classic?) but it is in a very dull grey. Not only does this packaging not stand out on the shelf due to the colouring and new minimalist logo, but the TARDIS stencil obscures the actual model within, plunging the contents almost into complete darkness when on the shelf. Really a clear panel needs to be added into the top to let in the light. It is a shame because the interior of the packaging is great! It is a diorama of the UNIT lab from ‘Robot’, with some great details. From the framed Season 9 publicity photo and the Blake’s 7 Teleport Bracelet from Series D, to the photo of the Whomobile on a trailer (having been rediscovered a couple of years ago) on the notice board. The poster for Li H’Sen Chang’s show is a bit inflammatory in the current climate but it’s inclusion makes sense even if it is a bit prophetic if not too on the nose. This is probably Gavin Rymil’s recent reproduction of the poster. What is more, the package has been engineered to enable you to remove the contents without damaging the diorama (aside from the screw holes in the floor). This was attempted with the ‘Image of the Fendahl’ set but too many blisters and twisty ties and tape spoiled that. So a lot of thought has gone into this and it is arguably better executed than the 3.75 inch Time Zone sets.
For once I get to end a post not fretting for the range’s future, for we know there is more to come. At Toy Fair, a new wave of B&M sets including ANOTHER TARDIS were on display and considered ‘very exciting’. These will be coming in the summer. What the contents are, we wont know for some months, but the future looks positive. The adventure is far from being all over.
2018 is seeing the biggest shakeup of ‘Doctor Who’ since possibly 2005. As a result, merchandise has been pretty thin on the ground. Even stores like ‘Forbidden Planet’ that proudly flew the ‘Doctor Who’ flag throughout the 90s had reduced their ‘Doctor Who’ stock to a bare minimum, which has been very depressing sight. Come back Sonic Screwdriver BBQ Tongs, all is forgiven! There have a few select exceptions. ‘Big Finish’ has been releasing more content than ever before, the Blu Ray release of Season 12 have been hugely popular, but the idea of new figures has been something of a pipe dream.
Out of the blue, on eBay one morning, a memorabilia collector’s shop’s online store presented a complete wave of figures for sale. The wave consisted of the Twelfth Doctor in red jacket, Eighth Doctor, Missy, Skaro Dalek, Guard Dalek and ‘Dalek Invasion of Earth’ Dalek. There were two units of each figure available and were sold in production packaging (a small scale blister card in the style of the collector’s series) for £20 each. They were sold within 20 minutes to collectors who for the most part have posted reviews on Youtube allowing a brief glimpse into the story behind these figures.
The placement of this puts the development up to around summer 2016 when that screwdriver was released. It is possible that these figures were planned as Christmas Exclusives for… somewhere. At the bottom of the packaging where the barcode is, were the letters FPO (For Promotion Only). That could place these as trade show samples, that evidently weren’t picked up. The final detail, not an intended one, was the thick layer of dust on the figures. Clearly these have been in storage for some time. Possibly the biggest mystery is how they came to be in the hands of the eBay seller! So what of the actual figures?
So this surprisingly looked like a pretty solid wave of desirable figures of the highest quality seen up to this point, but sadly one we will never see unless they get picked up as exclusives. As we head towards Series 11 it seems the boat on merchandise surrounding previous seasons is sailing fast. Personally I think they would make a great gift set, just to claim back some of the otherwise wasted development costs that stopped just short of production. The ultimate nail in the coffin seems to have been the retailers, the very parties that influenced the scale change, turned their backs on the range due to poor sales.
At first glance this set is a re-release of ‘The Impossible Set” exclusive to Forbidden Planet in 2012 but with a new Amy. Oswin Oswald is the only complete re-release in any of these sets, but would be welcome for anyone who either doesn’t have a Clara or the original Oswin figure. The paint applications on Oswin are universally poor, as the eyes are a bit wonky and the lips seem to have half of the top lip painted and the other half of the bottom lip painted. It creates an expression very similar to Jenna Coleman’s own reaction whenever asked about ‘Doctor Who’ nowadays.
The Doctor comes with just a standard post Series 5 head rather than the head with hat, but the costume while featuring no new parts is entirely recoloured. The original release was pretty must one solid maroon colour and slightly too light, this release is darker and more accurately coloured. The trousers are a deep brown and the waistcoat is a more accurate black colour. Whilst the colours are more accurate, the figure is unfortunately a lot duller for it.
Amy is the exact same sculpt as the figure from Series 5, and whilst it is inevitably inaccurate to the costume seen in ‘Let’s Kill Hitler’, the repaint is a strong attempt at compromise and approximating the look to give us a brighter and more eye catching variant of the character. The t-shirt (which should be a blouse) is a lilac colour with a white and grey pattern across most of the front (which should be a cardigan). The denim jacket doesn’t quite work. While the paint scheme is pretty good, the sleeves are bunched up and the cuffs are elasticated, plus the fleece lining of the Series 5 jacket is also visible. The lower half of the figure is pretty much there, apart from the cowboy boots, which should simply be shoes (which could have been taken from the Police Uniform figure). But despite all these nitpicks, it is nice to see a figure of Amy from later seasons, the character she grew into rather than the publicity images released for Series 5.
The Auton first of all is just a recoloured variant of the figure released in the ‘Enemies of the Third Doctor Set’. The Auton costumes were completely different in ‘Terror of the Autons’ especially their masks, but again the colours have been changed to approximate. The boiler suit is a dark grey but the neck scarf is still beige. The same head as before is used but this time, the head and the whole figure in fact has been cast in coloured plastic rather than painted to give it that sickly sheen seen in the story, which is a nice effect. The Auton comes with the exposed gun hands and no alternate standard hand, which is the right choice, but it can be swapped out if you have the previous figure. Despite the inaccuracies, it is still a pretty good classic Auton and lends some welcome variation if you are an army builder.
The Brigadier comes in his costume as seen in ‘The Invasion’ and Season 7 so this can technically pass for a 60’s Brigadier too if you want to fight off your hoards of Cybermen. The head is the same as the one used on the ‘Claws of Axos’ set with the beret. The body is the Captain Jack flight suit figure repainted a light khaki. The rank pips are painted onto the epaulettes, the medal ribbons are painted over the RAF insignia (which is slightly visible), the neckerchief is painted a gold colour in place of a shirt collar and tie and similarly the lapels and collar of the jump-suit are also incorrect. The Brigadier is also lacking his gun belt and holster, which is a shame but it is as near as we can expect at this point to an early Brig, ideal for taking down the Auton.
Finally, the Fourth Doctor. ‘Talons of Weng Chiang’ is a popular if controversial story by modern standards and the costume is certainly a memorable part. Personally I always felt it went against who the Doctor is, as the story does play out as a blatant pseudo science fantasy Sherlock Holmes yarn, with the Doctor at his straightest. However I have warmed to the costume more recently as I have made my own custom, only for this to come along. The assembly of this figure is odd to say the least. The body is a Third Doctor figure, specifically the variant with boots, which have been painted over to look like shoes… for some reason. The blazer is burgundy, but without the patterning seen on screen, it is also buttoned up, which it never was on screen and finally the frilled cuffs of the shirt are of course visible but painted over. What was a near miss was the visible shirt section, on one promo image it was a frilled shirt with the collar painted white, the rest of the shirt dark grey and the cravat painted burgundy, but clearly this was considered too much like a Third Doctor with the wrong head to the extent that a new shirt piece was sculpted with the red tie and charcoal grey waistcoat, without the patterning.
Starting with Missy, this figure is basically the brighter purple suited variant from Series 9, but with the head of the black suited variant from Series 8. There are some minor paint variations. The blouse is now the patterned brown colour, with the outline of the cravat painted on. We’re used to this by now. The head also has some paint variation in the lips are now a more natural and muted colour and the cheeks have some blush and the eyes have some shadow. Even though the head used doesn’t have the hat, the hair is still technically inaccurate as Missy’s hair in Series 10 was very different, but it is the closest we have.
The Doctor is the Series 8 figure body with the shirt and jacket, but with the Series 9 head with longer hair and boots, making the figure freakishly tall. The only change to the head is the more even white wash to the hair to highlight the grey. The body is the white shirted variant but the jacket is now a maroon colour, inside and out. The lining inside is not painted in, but this is fine as the colour of the jacket is brighter anyway. Whilst the figure once again comes without a waistcoat, the figure is actually accurate to the end scene of ‘Hell Bent’, returning to the TARDIS and putting his velvet jacket on once again. It is a blessed relief to get a Twelfth Doctor in something other than his standard blue jacket. Now that his era is over, his developing style has certainly been notable and with so many variants featuring the same jacket, the collection does look a bit monotonous. Plus the red jacket just looks fantastic whichever way you look at it.
Bill is a brand new figure…. Amazingly. Now how or why this happened is unknown but it has been suggested that the figure was initially developed as a Toys R Us exclusive and we now know that a further variant is planned for release exclusively through Amazon. This figure had been teased by Pearl Mackie herself at Christmas after posting a photo on Twitter. The headsculpt is of course brand new and the likeness, hair and paint applications are actually pretty bang on. Definitely one of the best sculpts we have seen in recent years. The body is a tweaked Abbey Maitland figure from ‘Primeval’. The lower half is unchanged but repainted, as is the torso. But the arms are either new or reused from another figure and are completely bare. If it wasn’t possible to re-use so many parts, would Bill have been a possibility? Maybe not. But we’ve got one and soon a second, so I’ll take it!
The Third Doctor and TARDIS set: Initially listed as being based on ‘The Time Monster’ for reasons unknown, but the packaging doesn’t actually specify this anywhere.
Firstly the Third Doctor, it is mostly identical to the ‘Three Doctors’ version included in the ‘Thirteen Doctors Set’ but instead of the bow tie, the figure has a white cravat. This doesn’t match any on screen appearance. If it is indeed supposed to represent the ‘Time Monster’ costume, it should be open collar, and whilst this shirt piece does exist and was used on the prototype, it is designed to fit the Fourth Doctor Regenerated figure. So whilst Character have been making headway in painting details on, now they are working to paint details out. This could have been avoided if the set was based on ‘The Mutants’ which included the same TARDIS and the Doctor in burgundy jacket plus cravat, a variant we have not yet seen.
The TARDIS is basically the ‘Planet of Evil’ design, which whilst being the last to sell out at Forbidden Planet, is now highly sought after and desirable. So there was huge demand. The TARDIS now has a black base and lamp housing and the main body was a lighter blue, then the whole thing was given a dark wash to weather it down to a nice effect. The black base only really matches ‘Spearhead from Space’, but the lighter colour is more representative of later seasons, so it is something of an amalgamation. Personally, this is my favourite variant and prop. This was when I actually first noticed the prop, with its vibrant blue in ‘The Three Doctors’, it really pops and stands out, so it is a welcome addition. This TARDIS comes with no electronics but the model is still blighted by a speaker grill and battery compartment. But the doors do open as the box proudly states.
Where does that leave the ‘Ultimate Action Figure Adventure’? Well we are either at the end, or about to enter a new era. With the imminent arrival of Series 11, it would be a genuine surprise if we didn’t see a Thirteenth Doctor figure. I thought the range had naturally wound down, but here we have seen enough new variants to fill an entire wave in 2007, plus a TARDIS to boot! For this much effort and ingenuity to go into the range at this stage, and the frenzy it generated among collectors (and scalpers) it does give us hope that at least B&M will continue to commission sets next year. So watch this space, anything is possible.
The behind the scenes going on of ‘Doctor Who’ Series 1, would appear to be well documented, not least by ‘Doctor Who Confidental’, an unprecedented vote of confidence from the BBC it seemed, but also by Russell T Davies himself in his book ‘The Writer’s Tale’. These accounts would make it appear that everything was peachy for the most part. Sure there were concessions for ideas that were perhaps a bit too ambitious, and sure some things like scripts, just don’t work out. The conviction, and simply the intelligence of Russell T Davies, Phil Collinson and Julie Gardener would certainly have us believe that everything went to plan, when we know now from various sources that this simply was not the case and that with a less capable team, things could have been very, very different.
When approached on the topic, Eccleston has always been very reluctant to talk, including hanging up on a phone interview once. This has lead to some writing him off as a grump or a misery. However consider the fact he has never done a formal interview on ‘Doctor Who’, that is his choice. But when he comes along to promote what he is doing currently, he gets catfished and grilled about his old ‘Doctor Who’ job and over the years he has handled that with increasingly good grace.
Whilst it may sound brutally frank, the wider context of the quote seems to be quite well measured and chosen words. Whether Eccleston was talking literally or metaphorically isn’t quite clear but we know for a fact there was a bumpy road to that success and there may have been errors on both sides. More on that later. But what happened to Eccleston after ‘Doctor Who’ does not tally with the success and status that the series and the other major contributors attained. Whereas in the past, actors were tarnished with the ‘Doctor Who’ brush, now it’s a medal of honour and people want to cast you before you’ve even appeared on screen.
Appearing in a film is much like going to see a film only as a viewer, you have the privilege of choice. Some people like action filled blockbusters, some people like the more intellectual art house material, it comes down to individual taste. Some people start in blockbusters to build up a reputation and go on to do the passion projects they really want to do. Others start in prestigious films to make it into the blockbusters. Everyone has to find their own path. Unlike going to see a film, appearing in one is first and foremost, a job, a livelihood, what some people do to pay the bills and support a family. Eccleston explains the attitude instilled in him was always to be working on something or other, which is admirable, and he has never given it less than his best. Well, maybe not so much ‘Thor’ but that film has all number of other faults not least hiding behind a made up language (that Eccleston had to learn) to make a one dimensional character appear interesting. It’s heartbreaking to have to put on a brave face every day in a job you are loathing. Even with ‘Doctor Who’, he could have just walked away, but he saw it to the end AND did the necessary publicity like on ‘Blue Peter’ despite his personal feelings and whatever may have been going on behind the scenes. He could have just said ‘No’, which some actors with less reason do. But his conduct is that of a professional.
Radio Times also featured an interview with Eccleston, allowing him to expand upon his comments. You can read that interview 
Eccleston also mentions Billie Piper, who he is quick to compliment but recognises at the time was very nervous and relatively inexperienced also. That is not a criticism, it is an observation and is in no way a slight on Billie Piper. It is just a natural reaction to being thrust into a major television role, especially one of that type. In hindsight it is easy to say what they should have done differently, but that is with 13 years worth of experience making ‘Doctor Who’ not to mention other programmes made in the new television landscape it set. So it’s not a Billie Piper problem, or a ‘Doctor Who’ problem, it’s just human nature and sometimes it means things don’t go as smoothly as perhaps we would like.
‘So why did he want to do it then?’. A challenge? A chance to do something new and develop? You don’t know if you don’t try. Sure, you could argue Eccleston was selfish for using ‘Doctor Who’ of all things as a vehicle for his own personal and professional development but he is hardly the first and wont be the last. If we didn’t get something out of a job, be it money, or fulfilment, why would we do it? An opportunity came along and he took it. However, his insecurities and facing a workload that required a lot that didn’t come natural to him probably resulted in a lot of friction. Whilst the series may have been a success, Eccleston himself may have felt like a failure. Actors sadly are not made of teflon.
Whilst it is of course upsetting to hear that the process of making ‘Doctor Who’ was not a pleasant one for Eccleston, we have a lot to be grateful for. He did indeed play a huge part in making it a credible show and a success, securing its future for years to come, which he should be proud of. We should be grateful that he and all involved persevered in spite of the difficulties. We should also be grateful that Eccleston stuck to his word all these years. Even in cases where he may have been abrupt and said nothing, rather he do that than say something regrettable. But even now what he has said has answered a lot of questions without slandering anybody. He has chosen a good time, as enough water has flowed under the bridge for his comments not to be so charged for himself or the audience. I just hope that Eccleston knows we are grateful for what he gave, and he gave more than he took clearly. He may have been short changed but I hope that the respect and admiration from fans offsets that slightly, and all that followed him should at least in part be considered his legacy.
By the late 2000’s the ‘Star Trek’ franchise was in an ignominious state. ‘Nemesis’ didn’t perform well in cinemas killing off any future big screen ambitions and even on TV ‘Enterprise’ suffered a curtailed run. Part of this was down to increased competition from the likes of ‘Star Wars’ and changing appetites along with that, that was leaning more towards more spectacle and action for your buck. The TV landscape was also changing, with ‘Star Trek’ inevitably suffering from fatigue, there were more TV channels and therefore repeats enabling people to enjoy the good old days of the ‘Original Series’ and ‘Next Gen’ at very little expense. Plus the introduction of DVD meant that entire box sets of a series could be released and whilst not as affordable as it would ultimately become, it was at least accessible. The archive was making some decent money so it does I am sure to some high up seem silly to keep producing and financing TV series and movies that were increasingly risky and struggling to balance the books.
The problem with ‘Star Trek’ is that the fans are irritatingly organised, protective and vocal, especially in the age of the internet. Whilst mostly benign, prod that hornet’s nest and all hell could break loose which is bad for publicity. Like many franchises there is, rightly or wrongly, a sense of ownership. Shows like ‘Star Trek’ mean a great deal to a great number of people and someone cynically exploiting the name or the contents for profit will not go down well. It’s not that anyone intends to make a bad film, it’s just when priorities get mixed up then quality can fall by the wayside ahead of profit.
This is clear from the opening scenes. We hear the familiar bridge ‘bonging’ noise, and a familiar saucer comes into view, but it isn’t the Enterprise, it juxtaposes the new and the familiar as the Kelvin is unlike any ship we have seen before. Of course the ship is investigating some kind of anomaly from which emerges possibly the biggest ship seen in ‘Star Trek’ history dubbed the Nerd. Enter, Nero. A Romulan renegade from the future not so subtly named in order to drive home the roman cultural and social parallels, that are otherwise completely lost. But anyway, we are also introduced to George Kirk, played by a pre-Thor, Chris Hemsworth. In the little screen time he has, he manages to give George Kirk some real charm and personality as well as many of the traits that are similar to the Captain Kirk of the original series. To all intents and purposes this is the classic Kirk, as the Kirk we will ultimately meet is significantly different. When the captain of the Kelvin is killed by Nero in a fit of rage when he finds out they have arrived several decades too early to intercept Ambassador Spock. The Kelvin comes under attack, the order is given to abandon ship, just as heavily pregnant Winona Kirk goes into labour. George is the acting Captain now and has to do the honourable thing to save the rest of the crew and buy them time, crashing the Kelvin into one of the Nerada’s many fronds. This is exactly what Shatner’s Kirk would have done and it is a beautifully executed scene that could have played out as a short film, documenting how James T Kirk came into the universe, in the heat of battle.
Immediately we see what a catastrophic loss Kirk’s father was, as the adolescent Jim steals his step father’s roadster and promptly drives it off a cliff. It is pretty dumb trailer bait, especially how Kirk calls himself James TIBERIUS Kirk to the police officer, and gives rise to one of the most unrealistic ‘cliffhanger’ moments in cinematic history but I get what it is trying to convey. This is a changed Kirk to the one we know, setting up his character journey.
Meanwhile on Vulcan, a young Spock, at the Vulcan Learning Centre has a confrontation with some boys. It is curious to see how Vulcan bullying would manifest itself. But they see him as a subject for study, which is why they try and provoke him in order to witness an emotional response first hand. Or at least that is my reading of it. It depends on whether you consider the logicality of Vulans to be nature or nurture. It could equally be the immaturity of adolescent Vulans causing them to be more susceptible to their emotional urges if they do indeed lie latent within them. Spock even more so. So Spock gives these Vulan assholes a damn good leathering. This whole dilemma looms largely over Spock throughout the film and it does indeed show that all involved profoundly understand the character and how to present him. After the fight, Spock does some soul searching with his father, to understand why he would marry a human. It is one of the great unanswered questions from the original series. Sarek coldly replies that it was ‘logical’ in the absence of any better answer making his human mother seem like a social studies project.
Fast forward to adult Spock who stands before the Vulcan Committee to find out whether he has been accepted into the Vulcan Science Academy. Immediately before he asks his mother if he has done the right thing or whether he should undergo the ritual of kohinor as seen in ‘The Motion Picture’ and purge all emotion. The conflict in Spock’s identity runs very deep here and it is fantastic stuff, the fact that he considers going to such an extreme so early in his life weaves together this very complex character anew. But whilst Spock is accepted into the academy, the head of the committee gives Spock a real back handed insult by coldly attributing his half human heritage as being some kind of handicap. This doesn’t go down well with Spock who tells the academy where to stick their offer and leaves instead for Starfleet. It is an excellently written scene, that adds real depth, substance and conflict to a race that are so rigid and robotic.
The decision to bring in the character of Pike, otherwise a footnote in the origins of Star Trek is a masterstroke, which I am sure was appreciated by dedicated fans as it somewhat ties together the two pilot episodes. Giving Pike the role of a mentor, role model and father figure in the absence of Kirk’s actual father generates another unexpected dynamic. Pike is the voice of reason at this turning point in Kirk’s life and one can not help but feel a warmth towards both of them, which is much needed considering the road that Kirk’s character was taking up to this point. It is a life line that Kirk genuinely needs to get his life back on track.
Kirk rides home via the shipyards and quite coincidentally there is the Enterprise being built. It seems quite impractical building a ship like the Enterprise on Earth, which is why it’s a trailer moment. But there is something very prophetic seeing an icon like the Enterprise taking shape. The next day, Kirk rocks up and boards a shuttle for the Starfleet Academy. Is signing up for school as simple as that? Do you have to pay? Also I thought given all the cadets in the bar the previous night we were already near to the campus, otherwise it is a hell of a coincidence that Uhura was also living in Iowa. Anyway, he meets one half cut, divorcee, Leonard McCoy on the shuttle. Again coincidence but the rest is history.
Several years later, Kirk still has one thing on his mind as he is caught in the act with an Orian cadet. So he hasn’t turned a corner just yet. But he is caught by her room-mate Uhura, who hears him under the bed. It’s a nice little throwaway character nod that he is rumbled by Uhura’s sensitive hearing, even if it does border on a superpower in this instance. But their interaction of ‘you’ suggests that their previous encounter occurred recently. Unless Kirk has made a habit of pestering Uhura over the past three years and it is now an unseen running gag. I suppose you could have made a film about the cadet years alone.
I’m inclined to think that Kirk has been antagonising Uhura regularly as the next day, when Kirk is undergoing the infamous Kobayashi Maru test, Uhura is present and correct on the bridge simulator. As is Bones. Whilst it is weird to see Bones stationed at a bridge terminal, do cadets get to choose their own crew? Is it just the same class? Or just coincidence. I guess it isn’t important. Now if you read my ‘Wrath of Khan’ review, you will know that the Kobayashi Maru solution did not sit well with me as Kirk was essentially commended for breaking the rules and therefore not understanding the test. We know he cheated, but in this instance it is done so brazenly. He sits there in the Captain’s chair deploying the ‘cocky character eats an apple in dire situation cliche’ and then the system noticeably reboots and suddenly all of the enemy ships are defenceless. It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t so blindingly obvious, but Kirk doesn’t even try to pretend to take it seriously and clearly something is amiss. However the outcome here is significantly different in that rightfully, Kirk faces an inquiry instigated by Spock, rather than a ‘commendation for original thinking’ putting the two immediately at odds.
A distress call is received from Vulcan and all of the cadets apart from Kirk are forced into commission, which doesn’t make sense. Given how many ships we see depart later, why Starfleet should be so stretched as to commission all their inexperienced cadets doesn’t quite match up. The most capable cadets are assigned to the recently completed Enterprise. Given how far along the Enterprise was last time we saw her, did it really take 3 years to finish her? Also why put all your eggs in one basket? Is there going to be some ship with all the less academically proficient cadets? McCoy infects Kirk with a virus in order to smuggle him aboard the ship as his patient.
Pike takes command of the Enterprise, with Sulu at the helm conveniently due to the usual helmsman suffering from lungworm, but at the same time, the woefully inexperienced Chekov is at navigation with no explanation. Really? Out of everyone Chekov was the best person to plot a course. It would have been neat if Chekov hadn’t been introduced until the sequel to mimic the TV series was really he should still be in his early teens given the age of the rest of the crew. But I am splitting hairs. At this stage we need the crew in place as soon as possible. But no Nurse Chapel or Yeoman Rand?
The Enterprise arrives at Vulcan and it seems Nero has made short work of the other Federation ships. How he has managed to do that so quickly given that the Kelvin was only destroyed after crashing into it does seem rather odd. Before the Enterprise can suffer the same fate, Nero identifies the ship registry, recognising that Spock is probably aboard. After making contact with the Enterprise, Pike decides to come aboard and it seems history is about to repeat itself. But unusually Spock is promoted to captain, not Kirk, which again is another unexpected twist given the changes being made to the timeline. Pike organises an away team to disrupt the device the Romulans are using on the planet. The team consists of Sulu, a red shirt and Kirk on the basis of the fact he shouldn’t be there anyway, which is surely the precise reason why Kirk shouldn’t be part of the mission. Also I don’t think it is made clear why the Enterprise doesn’t just open fire on the drill or take a shuttle rather than the more spectacular skydive. I guess it just wouldn’t be a ‘Star Trek’ movie unless someone came up with a needlessly risky and complicated plan.
The away team dive onto the drill and the over excited red shirt is instantly incinerated, leaving Kirk and Sulu to take on a group of Romulans. This is Sulu’s only really significant moment in this film, latching onto the fact he did fencing once so make the most of it. When the drill is disabled, Nero orders the release of the ambiguously named ‘red matter’ into the hole they have made which results in a black hole forming in the centre of the planet. Chekov too gets his only real significant moment and it’s a very amusing one when Sulu and Kirk fall from the drill platform and Chekov legs it through the ship because he knows how he can transport them back to the ship. So why is Chekov at navigation and not on transporters?
Spock however beams down in order to rescue the Vulcan Council who are also unreachable by transporter inside Mount Seleya. Where’s your magic touch now Chekov? But the Enterprise does not try to rescue any accessible Vulcan civilians in the meantime. Spock’s rescue mission is a bit of a disaster as several council members are crushed beneath falling boulders and Winona Ryder, sorry Spock’s mother falls to her death at the last second. Again, where the hell were you Chekov? So he only manages to rescue about 4 people including his father. Although why was Winona with the Vulcan council? She is human? Wouldn’t they have rules against that? Also, what a waste of Winona Ryder. She was only in about two scenes. Then Vulcan implodes and is no more. It is quite something to see something as significant within the Trek universe as Vulcan removed in such dramatic fashion, especially given the aspects of Vulcan society we have seen for the first time in this film alone. It takes away something of a safety blanket and reinforces that this is not simply a retread of what has gone before.
Spock gives us a handy log entry to clarify what is going on. Pike is a prisoner of Nero, we get an idea of how many Vulcans are actually left in existence. He then has a moment in a turbo lift with Uhura. Yes, the relationship between Spock and Uhura is established. I don’t get it. If anything I find it a little creepy and I do not understand the motivation on either side to engage in that. Why would Spock indulge in a relationship with one of his students? No disrespect, but what exactly would Uhura see in Spock? It also throws some shade onto Uhura’s standing. Has she slept her way to the top rather than on her own merits. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could see any other explanation as to why these two would be attracted to each other at all. But also it puts Uhura in an awkward position in the team dynamic. She has more or less taken McCoy’s place at the top table, given how little McCoy gets to do after this point. But it seems she has been thrust into this relationship just to give Uhura something to do. This is something writers have struggled with in previous films and whilst sure she gets more lines and screen time, in another way it does the character a disservice. On the other hand it does make Kirk a bit of a gooseberry, something that becomes more prominent in the next film.
Pike is held captive by Nero, who wants to know the Starfleet defence codes for Earth. Nero really is a weak link in this film. His only motivation seems to be revenge, which is awfully vague. Each time we encounter him, he seems to want something different having achieved the previous objective. His end goal isn’t clear and he just seems to keep meandering from one thing to the next for as long as the film is running. But also we don’t see or learn enough about him to be particularly memorable. There is little nuance in the writing or Eric Bana’s performance, which is very shouty and broad. We do learn that according to him Romulus was destroyed in the future which is intriguing. But as he doesn’t go into detail as to how or why it happened, it is hard to sympathise with him, especially as he has just destroyed a planet himself and would appear to intend to do the same to Earth. He forces a Centaurian Slug down Pike’s throat, which may as well be a Ceti Eel from ‘Wrath of Khan’ as it looks identical and performs the same function. I don’t get what exactly Nero gets from this as we never see or hear Pike tell Nero any secrets or codes.
Kirk comes around on some ice planet, but fortunately he was packaged with some warm clothes. He is pursued by some giant red spider thing, because any sci fi flick worth its salt has to have a big alien chase. To be fair it is well executed and we haven’t actually seen anything like it in ‘Star Trek’ before due to the limitations of CGI effects. The chase leads Kirk to a cave, where the creature is warded off by none other than Spock! Original Spock. Now this really was a treat for the fans but it wasn’t gratuitous. It makes sense in the context of the story they are trying to tell, so the inclusion of Leonard Nimoy does not feel like fan service. But how great it is to see him back in the ears one more time. It just makes so much sense as he effectively links all the previous canon and this reboot together, very succinctly. The fact that it takes place in the context of him as Vulcan Ambassador on Romulus alone is using the continuity to the narratives advantage. So it is logical (no pun intended) for events to play out as they do. He attempts to save the planet from the imminent explosion of a star but was too late. Immediately he was confronted by Nero aboard the Nerada who holds Spock singularly responsible as a traitor to Romulus. 
But both ships were consumed by a disturbance in the resultant black hole and thrust back in time. As revenge, Nero intended to make Spock suffer as he did by destroying his home planet. OK, so far so good. Everything clicks when Kirk brings Spock up to speed and the whole deal with the alternate reality becomes clear, and in this universe Spock is captain of the Enterprise, not Kirk and they are anything but friends. It’s quite tragic when it dawns on Spock, who now removes to do his best to amend the situation. He suggests getting new Spock to relinquish command as he is emotionally compromised. For a Vulcan that would appear to be a contradiction in terms, but old Spock highlights that he just saw Vulcan destroyed and Vulcan or not, that hurts. Having two Spocks does allow us to have a moment of trust between the two characters and a glimpse of the intimacy that they will and have shared. For Spock who has come so far, the fact that he is able to confess that although he might not show it, he does feel deeply about what just happened is extremely significant and gives a much needed window into the mechanics behind the facade of the less experienced Spock.
Old Spock leads Kirk to a Starfleet base not far from the cave. Why he didn’t go there earlier is never explained. Inside they find an anthropomorphised cabbage and one Montgomery Scott. Again, coincidence? I am really on the fence about Simon Pegg’s portrayal of Scotty. It may partially be because James Doohan’s portrayal is inimitable and that Pegg overplays the comedy slightly, venturing into goofy, but hey, it’s fun. Old Spock does cheat a bit or a lot by giving Scotty the equation for transwarp beaming, originally devised by Scotty in the past, or the future, depending on your point of view. I’m not happy with this as it deprives this universe’s Scotty of one of his crowning achievements. If he had nudged Scotty in the right direction to form his own answer, rather than just entering cheat codes, that would have been more satisfying. Nevertheless it gets them back where they’re supposed to be, aboard the Enterprise, or in Scotty’s case, in a water pipe.
Brought to the bridge Kirk does his best to antagonise an already vulnerable Spock, which seems cruel but I guess it’s being cruel to be kind. Although it does result in Spock nearly choking the very breath out of Kirk before relinquishing command, which could have ended very badly given nobody tried to intervene, again. Kirk therefore assumes command on the basis of a last minute appointment by Pike that no one else witnessed other than Spock who has relinquished command. So Kirk cracks on with his plan to go after the Nero and his ship.
Spock goes to the transporter room to pine over his mother and collect his thoughts. There, his father imparts that he married Spock’s mother because he loved her. On one hand it’s a strange thing to do, just to say you married someone because you loved them. I get that it picks up on their exchange earlier but that must have been at least 20 years ago. In which case in all that time, the motivations for Vulcan marital relationships never came up? At the same time, it does emphasise the alienness of the Vulcan culture that ‘love’ is taboo. The consolation is enough for Spock to embrace the feelings that up to now he has made a conscious effort to reject and return to the bridge and cooperate. It’s hard to tell whether he was against Kirk’s pursuit plan out of genuine belief that it was the right thing to do or just out of pig headedness. But now the crew receive their baptism and work together to come up with an effective way of achieving Kirk’s goal. Chekov suggests hiding the Enterprise within Saturn’s rings, using the magnetism to remain undetectable. It’s probably nonsense but gives us a very nice trailer shot of the Enterprise emerging from Saturn’s rings.
The Nerada, in Earth’s orbit drops its newly repaired drill and begins drilling near the Golden Gate Bridge. It is oddly specific and convenient, but completely non sensical. If he wanted to breech the crust of the Earth just to implode it, he would be better off doing it where the curst was already thin. It would save a lot of time. Anyway, Kirk and Spock, now working properly together beam over to the Nerada, somehow without detection. However it counts for little as immediately a shoot out commences. Spock and Kirk manage to locate Old Spock’s ship, the computer of which gives the game away by mistaking Spock for his older counterpart. Kirk asks if Spock can fly the ship, to which Spock says ‘I believe I already have’, which isn’t an answer. It is still technology from centuries into the future that you have yet to learn the principles of. Nevertheless Spock does manage to fly the ship away from the Nerada, while Kirk goes in search of Pike. He nearly gets choked, again (strangulation appears to be the preferred method of murder in this time line) by Nero’s right hand man, only for Kirk to grab the Romulan’s pistol and shoot him. The Romulan falls from the gantry into the depths of the ship, in a shot that would later be copied and pasted into ‘Star Wars The Force Awakens’.
Spock turns his ship, with the Red Matter on board and sets a collision course for Nero’s ship with the intension of consuming both ships with a black hole. Although last time the Red Matter was used, they both ended up going back in time, so who is to say it wont happen again. Nero has a shouting match with Spock over the comms channel, which doesn’t entirely make sense as this is not only a younger Spock, yet to perform any of the alleged actions Nero claims, but also he is a parallel Spock who may never perform any of the alleged actions. As a result the antagonism is awfully one sided, but this doesn’t appear to be the intended effect. Deducing Spock’s plan, Nero gives the order to fire everything. The Enterprise provides covering fire to take out Nero’s missiles, which is a remarkably convenient ability to have, never seen before. Why Nero’s ship is dependent on physical armaments rather than phasers is never explained but it would seem to be a step backwards. When Kirk finds Pike, Pike does the same whilst being unshackled, taking out two other Romulans.
At this point, Scotty achieves the impossible in the nick of time and beams Spock, Kirk and Pike back to the Enterprise simultaneously. It’s at this point I realise that Kirk and Nero have not had a single interaction, either face to face or on screen. Nero has only interacted with Spock, but even then, the wrong Spock. Aside from one shot we haven’t actually seen Nero and Old Spock interact with each other. So the only person he has actually meaningfully interacted with on screen is neither the lead character or the person he actually has a problem with. I’m not saying this is wrong, it’s just not… well… logical. Given this film’s main objective is to establish the crew and their leader, we have the internal struggle, which is arguably the best part of the formation of this unit. Whilst there is an overall threat for the Enterprise and Earth, Kirk doesn’t have any relationship with the main antagonist of the film, which isn’t so satisfying. Whilst Kirk has the benefit of the legacy behind him and similarly Spock. In their own right it is hard to detach them from their predecessors. Some liberties are taken in the formation of their relationship to get it back on track and establish the commonly perceived equilibrium. The biggest casualty is Nero though as he doesn’t play a part in any meaningful character dynamic. The highlight is what he does indirectly to Old Spock and incidentally Young Spock. He is a villain of the week and just isn’t particularly memorable. There is another film in there staring Nero and Old Spock, which is far more nuanced and interesting. If you were to describe Nero on the basis of what we see in this film alone, the only description you can really give him is ‘angry’.
With Spock’s ship crashing into Nero’s, the Red Matter is ignited and begins to implode Nero’s ship. As a token Gene Roddenberry-ism Kirk reaches out to Nero offering to save him, something Spock disagrees with. Nero pretty much spits in Kirks face. So in one fell swoop, this movie pretty much craps on the Trek philosophy and makes clear diplomacy doesn’t work or just isn’t interesting. On top of that Kirk then orders the Enterprise to open fire on Nero’s ship, which is a little bit of overkill. As Nero’s ship is consumed, the Enterprise turns to leg it, only to be caught in the pull of the black hole and nearly torn apart. Really the forces should quite literally obliterate the ship, at the very least fracturing the structural weak points like the nacelles and then probably the neck and saucer before crunching the whole thing down to a singularity. Then an old chestnut is used to resolve the issue, ejecting the Warp core, which makes everything alright again.
Back on Earth, Spock meets Spock, which is a lovely moment and sets the new iteration back on track, as if there was any doubt. It also neatly ties these two timelines together. It’s meaningful and far from gratuitous and it also gives Leonard Nimoy a semi fourth wall breaking moment as if giving this new iteration of not just Spock but also the franchise, his blessing. It validates everything if there was any doubt.
Finally, the crowning achievement is Kirk graduating from the Starfleet Academy, with honours. Which is so much more satisfying than for getting gold stars for cheating. I do still think that getting promoted directly to Captain is slightly premature but that will of course be addressed in the next instalment. Also look! Pike is wearing a Motion Picture uniform! Also how did Pike get a promotion for lying on a bed captured all movie?
So Star Trek is not perfect. I do not think it is the definitive origin story, but it is probably as definitive as we can expect to get. It gets all the pieces in place by the end of the 2 hours, which when you have so many characters is no easy feat. I have picked faults but I am happy to overlook them as the film achieves what it sets out to do successfully, without shaving off too many corners. That is the overwhelming conclusion I can reach about this film. Despite any shortcomings it is a success. It successfully establishes and legitimises its ensemble and universe that exists alongside pre existing canon. It seemingly manages to do the impossible and satisfies the mass and casual audience, and the fans, which is an achievement not to be sniffed at. It is such a shame that the next film will somehow manage to do exactly the opposite.
Han Solo: I feel very ambivalent to the Solo movie altogether and to Ehrenrich’s casting but damned if a young Han doesn’t make for a good looking figure. I see more in this than I see in anything I have seen to do with the movie so far but I don’t think what I see in the figure is necessarily representative of the realisation of the character on screen. That is all I have to say. I will be glad to have the figure even if I hate the movie. I reckon we will see multiple variants of this, because we are definitely getting another Chewbacca so a two pack is probably going to be on the cards.
Lando: Now we’re talking. I reckon an hope that Lando is going to steal the show. Glover is perfect casting and the look translates into a great and vibrant figure. The face printing brings out that extra level of detail that makes me wish even more that we were getting a Lando movie instead. Must have.
Qi’ra: I do not know who this person is. All I know is that Emilia Clarke from Game of Thrones is playing her. Her costume tells me nothing because it looks surprisingly contemporary. But hey, I’m going to buy it anyway.
Rangetrooper: My skepticism continues to plague me as in this all I see is ‘How can we make a different Stormtrooper?’. This is probably one of the more striking attempts with the industrial sized boots and pimp jacket. I only plan to get one of these because I picture an army of these guys looking ridiculous as well as eating space. It would make more sense for him or her to be some kind of special operative rather than legions of these guys with their plush threads.
Tobias Beckett: Woody Harelson’s character, who does partially intrigue me. He does at least have a distinctive look. His omission from the initial press release makes me wonder if he is some kind of exclusive. But I might be reading too much into it. He seems to be wearing some kind of Imperial overall suggesting he is some kind of defector.
Vice Admiral Holdo: Don’t get me wrong, this figure looks well executed, especially the soft goods and the face printing. But she would not have appeared on any list of mine as a figure I would want to see given she was introduced and then written out of the same film, especially given we haven’t heard any news of a Bohdi Rook or Saw Guererra.
Princess Leia (Hoth): The third Leia in the last year and this might be the best yet. The battle ready Hoth gear that was just as iconic as her ‘New Hope’ look (to the point that when I was very young I didn’t realise they were the same character). Plus we have the face printing to nail that likeness! There’s a couple of cool accessories like the welder and goggles (an oxygen mask would have been cool as would a swappable ‘dirty’ hand 😉 ). Also the vest appears to be removable so you can create different looks. A Bespin Han can not be far away. As great as this figure looks, I am surprised that this is going to be generally released and not an exclusive as everything that follows is.
Mimban Stormtrooper (Walmart Exclusive): Basically a filthy Stormtrooper with a cape. Like the Rangetrooper, the role this guy performs is unclear. Are we supposed to have one or an army of these? After ‘Rogue One’ I am exhausted with trooper variants. This does interest me a little as it is a tweak on the original and that heavy weathering looks interesting compared to the stark white of most Stormtroopers of that design. Having followed the Marvel comics I did think maybe this was one of the rogue squad of Troopers that I couldn’t remember the name of but since looking back those are Scar Troopers so not the same.
Commander Wolffe (GameStop, Disney Store and Barnes & Noble Exclusive): It seems that whilst Hasbro doesn’t seem to be showing the prequels much love, they can’t get enough of clone troopers. Wolffe is the latest addition who appeared prominently in ‘The Clone Wars’ series I think. Mostly a Captain Rex body, repainted in a very distinctive manner, plus a new helmet and another variant of the Jango Fett head now missing an eye. Side note, now that we have this coming and Captain Rex, it’s weird that the actual Jango Fett figure has an inferior head deco.
Gamorrean Guard (Target Exclusive): Many people have been crying for a Gamorrean Guard for a long time. I haven’t been one of them but I do have some nostalgic feelings towards it as it was randomly one of the few figures I had as a child. Upscaled it looks great and very well detailed, with an articulated jaw and a big furry nappy, which if representative of the finished product will look great. Too bad we have no Rancor… yet. He also comes with 3 different weapons which is tempting to army build. But at exclusive/import prices it is doubtful I will be doing this.
Zuckuss (Toys R Us Exclusive): The final bounty hunter to be announced and he is exclusive to a sinking ship. He will probably make it to the UK eventually and I would expect alongside the ‘Solo’ figures with whatever promo day they concoct for that. The head and the body harness look great, the main robe not so much but ultimately it is just how it looked in the movie so we can’t complain too much. So there is light at the end of the tunnel, we will have our Bounty Hunters but there are still a few more hoops left to jump through.
Astromech 3 Pack (Amazon Exclusive): Like the 3 pack that was exclusive to Toys R Us a couple of years ago, a further pack comes with some similar but not the same droids. R2 D2 has muddy Dagobah deco, and is a great way of getting that sought after figure back on sale. The deco does look a bit simple and cartoonish, which seems to be a curse of Astromechs. The best deco seems to have been on R5-D4. Whilst an R5 unit is included in this set that looks similar to R5-D4, it isn’t him. Some of the panels are coloured that shouldn’t be and the panels on the legs are red rather than blue. In the film it was probably the same prop slightly repainted so for some this might be a second or first chance to get hold of an R5. The second R2 unit looks similar to the R2 unit in the last 3 pack but this one is a dark green rather than grey and inverted stripes, plus some additional mud and weathering.
Ronan the Accuser: I didn’t collect the first set of ‘Guardians’ figures, I bought the set after I completed my first set of Avengers, uncertain as to whether there would be another complete set of Guardians figures for the sequel (naive me) and if there was I probably wouldn’t get them. But the Mantis BAF topped it off for me. But whilst we now have Ego, the absence of Ronan is just as conspicuous now as it was then (and most antagonists aside from Loki which has only recently changed) and would have made a great figure. Now he is coming he looks bad ass.
Iron Man MK1: In recent years, Tony Stark has been distancing himself from the armour slightly and taken on a more pastoral and management/administrative role. So it’s surprising that it was only in the ‘Civil War’ 3 pack that we actually got a Tony Stark head for the battle damaged ‘Iron Man’ body. There was a raised faceplate head with the ‘Ultron’ figure but at last we have a Stark in suit. Probably a recycled suited body, which is fine because they are hard to come by in the Legends line. Also the head appears to be the Civil War sculpt but has been update with face printing deco. Coming with him is the Mk1 armour that Stark used to escape the cave when he was captured in the first film. The figures don’t really match scene wise, but from the film they are representative and two things we haven’t had before.
Iron Man 3 – 3 Pack: Again due to the absence of actual villains in the MCU Legends line at the time we don’t get either version of the Mandarin. But this set would appear to fix that by giving us the fake Mandarin/Trevor as played by Ben Kingsley. Sure he isn’t technically the Mandarin, but I would rather have the Ben Kingsley version on the shelf than shirtless Guy Pearce. Also coming with him is Pepper Pots charged up with the Extremis compound, in her gym shorts and armed with a suit glove. It is scene specific but it’s the only Pepper that we know of. Unless she turns up in the ‘Infinity War’ Wave 2 in a trouser suit. We probably will see a new Pepper given they have sculpted and approved Gwenyth Paltrow’s likeness. Final figure in the set in the ‘Hot Rod Armour’. I have seen a couple of random armours released as exclusives, but I haven’t missed not having them and I wouldn’t miss having this one because I don’t recognise it from the movie particularly. It must either be a fan favourite or even a custom design by Hasbro. End of the day, it is a cheap repaint of an existing armour and doesn’t do anything for me. I would get it for Trevor, Pepper I am curious about but the armour I am not interested in. We’ll see what the price tag is.
Hulkbuster and Hulk: The Hulkbuster I think is just an updated paint job of the original BAF which I missed both with the ‘Ultron’ wave and the ‘Best of MCU’ wave in the UK a couple of years back. I didn’t really miss it then but this might be a good way of picking it up for the right price. Hulk is just a standard Hulk with a screaming head and photo print chest hair. I would happily skip this. The Hulkbuster I would be curious about for the right price, but most hard core collectors will have a Hulkbuster already and a Hulk so I don’t really get who this is for. Hulkbuster on his own or with the BAF Ultron would make more sense.
Iron Man Mk7: It’s the main armour from the first Avengers movie. Simple as and I like it. It has some articulated flaps on the back apparently. It is nice to see one of the earlier and simpler armours visited now with the benefits of current techniques, especially since other companies will have done their interpretations long ago so this could breath some new life into the original design which was meant to be THE armour rather than, ‘How can we change this Mk3199483?’.
Captain America and Crossbones: I never really wanted the ‘Civil War’ Captain America, as it was just a darker version of the more vibrant ‘Ultron’ figure. But when the 3 pack with battle damaged Iron Man and Spidey was announced, with a battle damaged Cap, I needed the clean version to match. But this two back version comes with a new unhelmetted head, with face printing that actually looks like Chris Evans given the ‘Infinity War’ figure will have a beard. A bit annoying to have to do this just for a head. But it does come with Crossbones who was killed off in the first act of ‘Civil War’. We hardly new him, but he looked bad ass and would have made for a good figure and for creating unseen adventures on the shelf or on the carpet. He comes with an unmasked head too, revealing his crispy identity but if it does that will look great.
Erik Killmonger and Everett Ross: A Black Panther two pack, which seems to be tradition for every Marvel Film now, usually featuring a lead character as an exclusive and a new head. So Killmonger is identical to the single box release but has an unmasked head and likeness of Michael B Jordan. Everett Ross, another suit figure but features the debut of Martin Freeman’s character in the range. So Sherlock fans may snap this up as a Watson stand in. It is a relatively cheap set to make but costly to buy but this will probably be the only way to get Ross (he is just not a figure friendly character) and the Killmonger head.
Finally with Ant Man and the Wasp coming up, there will be figures of both of those respectively, with unmasked heads. It is hard to tell if the Ant Man figure is different and if so how different to the 10th Anniversary release.
Confession time. I actually like ‘Nemesis’. I think it was probably the second ‘Star Trek’ movie I ever saw and it did strike a chord with me as I didn’t expect… the ending. Over time I have recognised its faults and they are big faults, but still I find the film entertaining and tense.
Before we get into the plot, one of the biggest missed opportunities with this film is to do an ensemble piece. The main stage is reserved for Picard and Data and the rest of the cast are supplemental verging on superfluous. Dr Crusher does nothing. Worf does nothing. Riker gets married to Troi and does next to nothing. Troi does something, or rather has something done to her. Geordi keeps the engine running but he is Geordi. Data does two things. Even Guinan makes an appearance just to confirm she survived ‘Generations’ and even Wesley makes an appearance but his one speaking scene was cut. Simply the balance is all messed up for a swan song to such an epic journey and the emphasis from a character standpoint is all wrong.
Some Romulans have a fall out over accepting an alliance with the Praetor of Remus and their governing council is assassinated by what looks like a totally not suspicious, conference speaker phone. This should really be a big deal but it is a lot of information to take in during the opening scene for those familiar and unfamiliar with ‘Trek’. It does appear to contradict established lore, but treads a fine line between that and dumping just as much info in this scene as has been shared in the previous 30 odd years.
Meanwhile on Earth, Riker and Troi are getting hitched. Now in the framing of the film, really it seems premature to kick off the film with a celebration. Especially after a mass political execution. A wedding would have been a lovely closing chapter and the film could have been an excellent opportunity to invest in this relationship given its spontaneous eruption in ‘Insurrection’. Cue Guinan’s cameo. Aaaaand that’s a wrap on Whoopi. Worf is hungover on Romulan ale, despite the fact the wedding is still ongoing. Unless it was a crazy stag. This weird disconnect of elements further emphasises how out of place this scene is. Although the only reason I can see that this scene occurs so early is that it is the last time we will see the whole crew together. There are several gags about the second wedding on Betazed, where everyone has to attend naked. Which is something we are never going to and in some cases don’t want to see. Worf is right to protest because if ‘Star Trek: Discovery’ is anything to go by I don’t think the budget would stretch to that much prosthetics.
On the planet, Picard, who has apparently been desperate to try the all terrain vehicle despite showing no previous signs of being a speed freak. Even if he was, why would he wait until an away mission to indulge himself. He is the Captain, he can do what he wants anytime. Also what use would Starfleet have with a car? Anyway, Picard, Data and Worf collect all the body parts of the disassembled android only to predictably reveal it is indeed a Data clone. It is an utterly pointless and protracted sequence, but it is at least slightly atmospheric largely due to overexposing the footage. I am starting to realise that as entertained as I mostly am about this film, it does not stand up to any scrutiny. By that I mean, back on the Enterprise, there is a scene confirming that the android that looks like Data, is indeed mostly identical to Data. However one thing that is made abundantly clear is how much less mentally developed the android by the name of B-4 is.
Admiral Janeway cameo everybody. That is a nice touch as the actual finale of ‘Voyager’ was vague and unsatisfying and this does more to show life back on Earth than it did. She sends Picard on a diplomatic mission to Romulus. This leads to a briefing amongst the officers, that is more for the audience’s benefit than the characters. Despite what we have learned over 7 Seasons of ‘Next Gen’, Data claims very little is known about the Romulans and a second species of Remans is introduced. Slightly contradictory. You’d think if this was known it would at least come up sooner, which is probably why it feels so weird. The Enterprise heads towards Romulus to meet with the Praetor, Shinzon. Meanwhile Geordi tries to download Data’s brain into B-4. I know B-4 was not as developed but he was still conscious, so it seems pretty harsh just to treat him as a back up disk.
On board the Praetor’s ship, the crew discover that he is in fact suspiciously human, gives them a sample of his blood and stops short of telling them ‘I am a clone of Picard’. Yeah again, it doesn’t stand up. Also how weird is it in hindsight to say ‘Tom Hardy was the main villain in a Star Trek movie.’.
The following day, Picard and Shinzon dine together and Picard is able to get some answers. Credit to the film here for actually pacing its reveals in this regard, they aren’t drawn out. The plan was to clone Picard, and then plant the clone as a spy within Starfleet. The plan was abandoned when a new government came to power, who rightly thought it was a stupid idea. The explanation is nicely woven in with the themes of the narrative, how we are shaped, emotionally and physically. There are some very strong character beats with both Shinzon and Picard looking into each other to see what they might have been in different circumstances. But be forewarned, this is not the experienced Tom Hardy we know today. He looks so skinny and boyish, it’s hard for him to maintain a presence opposite Patrick Stewart. Added to the fact he looks nothing like Picard, it’s hard to buy the implicit intimacy of them being clones. If the scene were redone today, with Hardy playing a beefed up, warrior, Picard, it would be interesting. Ridiculous, but interesting. Admitted we don’t find out any more about the Romulan cloning technology, but with ‘Attack of the Clones’ having come out the same year, it is fair to say that whether intentional or not, it was best to avoid opening that can of worms. What is interesting is that the two men leave without trusting each other, but open to the idea and they part amicably. It’s so much more satisfying that this relationship has layers rather than just being openly at odds like in all the other ‘Next Gen’ films. ‘Generations’, ‘First Contact’ and ‘Insurrection’ have all featured antagonists directly and openly opposed to the Federation and in some cases Picard specifically. Shinzon and Picard’s relationship is intriguing because it is still being shaped and presents an opportunity for the betterment of the galaxy but I don’t think this aspect has been emphasised enough.
Some scenes happen… (it’s the only way I can describe it) with very little incident. Then things go from 0 – 1,000,000 when Riker and Troi go to consummate their marriage seemingly about to make mountains of pornographic fan fiction a reality. But Shinzon somehow, and this is the only way I can describe this, ‘mind rapes’ Troi. But with Shinzon taking Riker’s place is he feeling Riker or Troi? I’m not sure. Or is he separate. Is it a threesome? But then Shinzon’s Viceroy who is facilitating this violation (Are all Reman’s telepathic?) then takes Shinzon’s place. So is this a mental orgy now? But more to the point… why is this happening? It’s probably a metaphor for power but it isn’t very ‘Star Trek’ and it all comes across as rather gratuitous. Also given that this is the most interesting thing that happens to Troi in the film it is pretty poor use of the character. Troi is given a medical and after effectively being mind raped, she reasonably requests to be relieved of duty, which Picard denies this and asks if she can take another hit. What a dick! It all takes it out of Shinzon whose ‘condition’ is accelerating. Um, what condition?
Shinzon buggers off rather than doing whatever he wanted Picard for. Which means Data can reveal he’s done the old switcheroo and taken B-4’s place. But if it was Data the whole time and they accessed the ill gotten information from his brain, that was a risky move and probably where all the extra info came from. He breaks Picard out and offers him an emergency transport unit, which he refuses and will in no way become relevant later. One of the better action sequences is the shootout and escape from Shinzon’s ship in a shuttle that looks like something Bruce Wayne built. It is cheesy and everyone has been to the Stormtrooper school of accuracy but you know what? It’s fun!
I’m on the side of Shinzon for opening fire on the Enterprise to knock it out of warp and make story happen. I have to say, the Enterprise E gets such a pasting in this film, with inside and out, it’s actually quite emotional. Shinzon appears by hologram in Picard’s ready room for a chat. Although the conversation doesn’t really cover any new ground, so it’s unclear what either gets out of this. It seems to be Picard taking the upper hand making a last ditch effort to let Shinzon realise his potential. However Picard doesn’t offer up any examples of what life is like from his point of view so it isn’t really a strong argument.
Two Romulan Warbirds suddenly decloak but instead of siding with Shinzon’s ship, they flank the Enterprise. So ironically, Shinzon has done more for Romulan/Federation diplomatic relations as the Romulan ships offer an alliance. Which is short lived as all 3 ships are promptly disabled. Then, just to prove that Troi’s earlier experience was not meaningless, she psyches out Shinzon’s Viceroy and guides Worf’s hands (when she might as well use her own hands) to target Shinzon’s ship. It’s lame and problematic and just the weirdest time to try and nod to the original series with it’s stylistic lighting of the female characters. But why the Viceroy and Shinzon just let this happen rather than open fire if only to break Troi’s concentration. Shinzon’s retaliation is to send a boarding party.
Who knows how the Remans force their way onto the Enterprise is never shown. But they do and this results in a fire fight between Worf and Riker and the Remans. Worf gets a token line about saying the Romulans fought with honour… which considering his history with them should be a big deal, but is just not weighted with anything. Everyone involved in the fire fight has been to Stormtrooper school and the Viceroy for absolutely no reason at all jumps down a duct and then Riker goes after him, for all the good it will do.
A major blow comes when Shinzon’s ship scores a lucky shot and hits the bridge sucking several bridge crew members out into space. It’s convenient though that someone installed hand rails to the navigation console for Data to hang onto. There is a weird moment where Shinzon’s ship ranges slightly, Picard speculates that Shinzon wants to look him in the eye, whatever that means.
With the Enterprise out of ammo, Shinzon opens a channel to negotiate surrender. This really should feel like more of a defeat and a big deal, but it doesn’t. It’s bad, but hardly grave. The visual language just isn’t there. Everything is still lit normally and everything now seems quite calm. Would it kill you to give a ‘Wrath of Khan’ aesthetic at this point? As a last ditch effort, Picard keeps Shinzon talking as a stalling tactic before cutting off the channel and ploughing directly ahead directly into Shinzon’s ship. Ok, now this is well done. It’s a crude tactic but I am hesitant to call it effective as Shinzon just back up again straight away, with both ships now looking rather beat up. How on Earth would Picard and Shinzon swap insurance info?
Meanwhile, Riker and the Viceroy brawl in the Enterprise’s infrastructure. There is the briefest of moments when you think that Riker might actually bite the dust and that would have been surprising and tragic. But we all know things aren’t going that way.
Shinzon however looks like garbage and as a last ditch effort orders his weapon to be deployed. Although at this point it is all getting pretty pointless because no one is going to get what they want. Picard asks Geordie to beam him over to Shinzon’s ship. Why? Wouldn’t the best course of action be to all get out of there by any means? Speaking of which, why does Picard ask to be transported, when everything is on the fritz rather than take a shuttle? Anyway, he does make it because that would be an awful ending.
Picard blasts his way onto the bridge and ends up in a knife fight with Shinzon who may or may not be blind, but should not be using sharp implements in his condition. The disappointing thing about this climax is that Shinzon is already beaten. So the obvious thing to happen is for Shinzon to end up going into his giant aggressive air freshener. But thankfully Picard instead impales a crippled man on a spike. Shinzon dragging the spike through his body, just to touch Picard is pretty grotesque and somewhat effective. But it is superficial. Does Shinzon achieve any kind of peace? No. So what has this been for? The arc isn’t drawn to any meaningful conclusion, which is such a shame. It should have been tragic, but it isn’t and is such a missed opportunity in that. The problem isn’t with the story here, but with the execution.
Data of course arrives on the scene and for the briefest of moments, it is expected that his presence would solely be a comfort so that the Captain would not die alone, which would have been very in keeping with the series ethos. But Data slaps on that emergency transporter and the Captain is beamed out. Although can a little device like that do that on it’s own? I would have thought it would be slave to the Enterprise transporters. If it was and it hadn’t worked, that would have been embarrassing.
Data left alone waits for the air freshener of doom to countdown to the last second before shooting at it, which seems to cut things fine unnecessarily. Also is there any guarantee that shooting at it would work or do anything? It’s radiation! It’s like opening fire on a bad smell. But anyway, it blows Data and Shinzon’s ship to oblivion, with no effect on the Enterprise which was in very close proximity moments earlier. What do I think of Data’s death? Well, when I was much younger it did have some resonance. But familiarity and time has not been kind to it. Killing off Data does come with some ‘get out of jail options’ and not just in this movie. It comes out of the blue and seems to only happen because he is disposable and reversible rather than having any great meaning for the character. Death and sacrifice is not something that is discussed from his perspective in this film. Some say that it is the final chapter of the human experience, death and sacrifice. But is that all there is to it? To complete being human like it’s a video game? I don’t really buy it and I think Data deserved better. If anything, I’d say it would make more sense for Picard to be killed off as it is his story more than Data’s.
Later, a toast is made to Data. It is indeed sad, as Riker remembers their first meeting back in ‘Encounter at Farpoint’. It’s a nice callback, that it is doubtful many people would recall. But it misses the point completely by not mentioning ‘Pinnochio’, which was the whole point of Data. He was made by man, but died one of us and the scene just ends.
Back at Spacedock, as the Enterprise is under repair, Riker enters Picard’s office requesting permission to disembark. Easy to miss but Riker is actually wearing 4 rank pips, which should be significant. What should be a poignant moment between Picard and Riker is thrown away with flippancy. Which again, is why the wedding should have ended the film. But also Riker is off to begin negotiations with the Romulans. Is that such a good idea? Surely Picard should be taking that as he has established a positive relationship and position of honour amongst the Romulans in their battle.
The next scene takes place in another office (seriously how many are there?) and Picard is telling B-4 (you thought we’d forgotten about him right) about his brother Data. Remember, Lore is also still out there by the way. Whilst B-4’s childlike mind can’t comprehend what Picard is saying, he begins subconsciously muttering the tune he sang at Riker and Troi’s wedding. This is actually a well done moment and I suppose claws back some dignity and ends a patchy film on a warm and optimistic note.
However what is a big disappointment is that the rest of the crew don’t get a farewell scene. They’re just gone, which is very unsatisfying. Their last scene was the toast and most of them didn’t have a line so they might as well be dead too. Again, why the wedding should have been at the end! It is the perfect opportunity to actually say goodbye and set up a life beyond the Enterprise for Troi, Crusher, Geordi, Worf and hell, even Wesley. It is hugely frustrating and sad that this opportunity was missed. If a ‘Logan’ style ‘Next Gen’ movie was to come out one day soon that would be marvellous. But it’s never going to happen. Really as a film, it’s not great but it is not the worst, it was at least more entertaining than ‘Insurrection’. But as a final chapter, it doesn’t work and wastes a lot of potential. All the elements are there but they just need juggling about a bit and to be presented by a director with some sensitivity rather than just making a popcorn Star Trek Blockbuster…. which is exactly where we’re heading next!
I have been dreading this review more than most because simply, I have very little to say about ‘Insurrection’. I don’t love it or hate it, it’s just there and it’s pretty dull. Everything learned in ‘First Contact’ which was and is a good modern ‘Star Trek’ movie is forgotten and we get what is really a dull, bloated, Season 1 episode of ‘Next Gen’, even down to the absence of Riker’s beard. It’s just so vanilla, and beige. Literally. It’s a vision in the spectrum of various types of gravel both at an aesthetic and a scripting level.
So the film opens with a lot of glam shots of this idyllic village populated by people who look just like us. The Ba’ku. Whilst it is shot with much more sophisticated methods it does otherwise look like it comes from Season 1 of Next Gen. The peace is shattered when from a starlet base hidden in a mountain, Data is observed seemingly going rogue and attacking several other personnel in camouflage suits or invisibility cloaks. Is this new technology? There’s a lot of quirky action and effects with these invisible bodies falling about. Then Data removes his suit and fires at the clifftop revealing the Federation base. Aside from the music, it is unclear why this is meant to be a dramatic reveal, or who is in the wrong here. Unless you have followed the series with dedication it is extremely hard to tell, what the big deal is. But if you have, you’ll know it’s to do with the Prime Directive. However in this opening scene we do not learn enough to understand why this is a violation of the prime directive. We do not yet know that the Ba’ku have rejected technology so the sudden appearance of an android like Data should be incongruous.
A diplomatic function is currently taking place on the Enterprise, which serves little purpose other than to indirectly reintroduce Worf. It contextualises the shakey nature of the Federation, but that is a small part of the scene which otherwise is inconsequential, kind of like the cold open of a TV episode. Geordi does inform Picard of the situation regarding Data and we hear the weird tidbit that Data did not take his emotion chip with him. Um, why would you leave home without a part of your brain? In ‘Generations’ whilst the chip became fused, it was implied that it could be removed eventually, but even still, if Data wants to learn from his emotions, being able to extract that part of his brain is rather a cheat. Anyway, Picard contacts Captain Birdseye, sorry, Admiral Dougherty who brings Picard up to speed and requests Data’s schematics… shouldn’t Starfleet have them anyway? With a serving member, they are just as important as any medical records on a species. But anyway, Dougherty is such a non character. His delivery of pretty much every line is flat, he is virtually expressionless and looks like he would rather be anywhere else. As a result it makes it near impossible to gauge his motivations or read a situation through his eyes because he is just so inanimate. Yet he is one of the most important characters in the film!
We are introduced to the Son’a on their way to the Ba’ku planet. The Son’a are a species who permanently appear as if they have been caught in a wind tunnel due to some weird cosmetic procedures. Ru’afo the lead refers to them directly as skin stretching sessions, but what purpose they are supposed to serve is unclear as they look both uncomfortable and unpleasing aesthetically. We are in weird for the sake of weird territory here. But what is more, I say we are introduced to the Son’a. It’s not really a measured introduction, they are just immediately there and part of the story. They don’t cultivate a sense of menace and it’s not entirely clear what they are for other than token alien of the week. Ru’afo bickers with Dougherty but we are still none the wiser about what is going on and who any of these people are. This is poor writing, because all dialogue should either advance plot or build character. This does neither and I come away not really particularly interested in either of these people or what is happening.
But just as distracting for the audience as much as for Riker is Troi fondelling his neck. Is this technically workplace harassment? It’s pretty uncalled for not given that when Next Gen ended, Troi and Worf were bizarrely in a relationship, which hasn’t been referred to since. But then there have been two movies and the Riker/Troi relationship has not been hinted at. It just starts because Troi starts rubbing some kind of G Spot on the back of Riker’s left ear. If only it were that straightforward. If some time was spent developing this relationship in the context of the film, that might have been interesting. But they actually spend much of the film apart. There is a possible explanation later on but in that context, the events here are rather premature. I can only guess that this scene was reshuffled during editing.
Picard is given the ultimatum of stop Data in twelve hours or he will be destroyed. Twelve hours, Data could kill everyone in that time. See what I mean about a total lack of urgency? Data is captured after (and I am not kidding) having his memory jogged by Picard and Worf singing ‘HMS Pinafore’ to him. Again I have to reiterate, nearly half an hour into this film, I still do not know what is going on. There has been some incident but I have no indication of what the story is or what it is about. So far, we have gotten Data back. Maybe he can provide some answers…. nope his memory is blank.
Picard and the away team beam down to the Ba’ku planet… to apologise it seems. Again, Prime Directive much? This film is very selective about where this applies. If the Federation should not have been there in the first place, then why go back? However we learn the Ba’ku aren’t just simple farmers, the are a highly developed and intelligent species that reject technology. They tried to repair Data, which is what sent him bananas. Although if they reject technology, why would they interfere with Data at all? Secondly, there is absolutely no trace of technology existing or ever having had existed around them, which is a big thing that doesn’t add up to build up a picture of this culture. Their philosophy that building a machine to do a man’s work, takes something away from the man, has some logic. But it doesn’t hold up when you consider that man can not travel by warp speed on his own. Also by rejecting technology, aren’t you depriving your people of engineering roles? It sounds poetic but it’s stupid. And what prompted this sudden turn in their culture? Did they all just turn hippy overnight? But if nothing else, Picard gets the hots for Anij, another bland lifeless character. If you asked me to describe her, I really couldn’t come up with much. She has the same damned expression on her face for the whole film. Does she even smile once?
Retracing Data’s steps, they reach a lake and inside the lake, a hidden ship. Inside the hidden ship, a holodeck featuring an exact recreation of the Ba’ku village. Picard, Data and Anij are attacked by Son’a forces and leg it out of the holodeck and into the lake. At this point we learn that Anij can’t swim, but never fear, Data can serve as a floatation device, by seemingly inflating his penis.
Unrelated to the plot but a genuinely lovely character moment is that when leaving the village, Picard spots Geordi watching the sun rise, with his own eyes, vision restored. It is a lovely moment, brilliantly played out by LeVar Burton. It’s such a lovely gift for the character to receive. Free of the visor and the implants, Burton gets to emote so much more and it is an exceptional moment. It’s too bad that it is only temporary and he must give it up (which isn’t acknowledged later on), but he wants to savour it.
Picard loads up the Captain’s yacht with rifles and other heavy gear… heaven knows what for because the Ba’ku wont use it and Picard only has 2 arms. The rest of the officers come and rumble him. Whilst Picard concealed his transporter usage through a ship’s subsystem, it was still detected as unusual activity due to it being used so late. So firstly, why is everyone still on duty, why were they monitoring the transporter usage and why have some of them changed into civvies. The crew are with Picard but it is unclear why as he only explains what is actually going on before they agree to help, which they were always going to because they are dressed for it. Just as well Picard packed all those extra weapons.
Ru’afo is delighted that his simulations for his injector, for messing with the planets rings all work perfectly. I still can’t get my head around why they are going to all this trouble. Why not just invade the planet? I can only guess they are planning to extract the radiation in order to sell it on, which is a very anti-Next Gen idea. Spotting the Captain’s yacht on its way to the surface, Ru’afo orders the extraction of the Ba’ku with tagging drones. Also have I mentioned that Ru’afo’s Captain’s Chair is a couch? It is a couch! I mean points for practicality, but WTF!
The following morning the Ba’ku are still climbing into the hills. Why they couldn’t use a transport or shuttle to get them to safety rather than trek in the open is never really explained. It is at this point that unless Ba’ku days are very short, Picard has been awake for nearly 4 days by this point. If the effects of the metaphasic radiation are that good, I can see why the Son’a want it. Data has been trying to cultivate a relationship with a young Ba’ku boy called Artim, without much success. However the ice breaks slightly when the boy needs to rest. They actually have a meaningful conversation about their fundamental differences, such as age, physical growth and play. However it doesn’t form much of an arc and it doesn’t go very far from here. It could have been interesting, but it could have also turned Data into a goofball again. Picard rests with Anij, and things get weird as she becomes fascinated with his bald head. Come to think of it, why hasn’t his hair started to grow back. That would make sense right? Then for no particular reason at all, Anij basically stops time…. how, why, what? This is never explained, just put down as an ability they have developed. Is there anything these rings can’t do? Do the Son’a know about this? Does the Federation know about this? If so that would be a game changer. But as it is, we seem to be on fantasy island right now.
Aboard the Enterprise, they are trying to outrun the Son’a, but the particle fields of the briar patch are proving problematic. So Riker makes increasingly risky and absurd decisions to out danger the Son’a ships by flying into even more clouds. The Son’a as if desperate to prove they are indeed the more idiotic detonate a subspace weapon forming a tear in space. Now this should be just as dangerous to them as the Enterprise. As Geordi himself notes, the weapons are unpredictable. To seal the breach, the warp core is ejected and detonated, which seems remarkably convenient. But it demonstrates a new feature of the Enterprise E, which was first introduced in Voyager. However, practically it must have been a real pain in the backside to dismantle the warp core in the engineering set.
Riker continues to be a moron, following the rule of doing the opposite of any professional advise or expertise. So he flies the ship into a cloud of volatile gas, scooping up as much as possible and then venting it in front of the Son’a. Firstly, Riker, you could have blown up the damn ship. Secondly, the Son’a could have just gone around, they must have known what the Enterprise was doing. So they out-stupid-ed themselves. Seriously Riker, do not be proud of yourself because you and everyone should be dead.
Dougherty confronts Ru’afo wanting to pull out. So Ru’afo kills him by putting his head through a cabinet and stretching his face off. I didn’t know face stretching was fatal. But look back, what has Dougherty added to this story? Absolutely nothing. He has just been a massive bearded doubt. He shouldn’t have been there. He was a superfluous character that really only served to soften the Son’a. He is just another dodgy Admiral so he doesn’t even get points for originality. If they wanted to tell a story about the Federation getting dodgy then the Federation council should have been the focus. But that would have been boring.
To destroy the collector, Picard beams directly aboard, where Ru’afo is waiting. But if it is possible to operate the collector from on board, why didn’t they just do that rather than having a separate ship? Anyway long story short, after some chasing, Picard gets to the self destruct control and is suspiciously skilled in operating it despite none of the controls being in English. The face off between Picard and Ru’afo is gets close to being dramatic but this film has exhausted my good will by this point. What is most affecting is that Picard is ready to blow the collector with him still on board. Despite the story not really justifying it as it is a mess. But Patrick Stewart salvages it. Somewhere in this script he has managed to dredge up what they were aiming for. This is really a journey of Picard sacrificing so many things that are important to him, such as his career, for a chance at love and romance and also just to do what is right. To him, this is something worth dying for as he has come this far. As the flames start erupting up the collector, there is a sense that he might bite the dust. Although if that had been the case, that would have been awful. But heroically the Enterprise swoops in and rescues Picard just in the nick of time. It’s not quite Millennium Falcon escaping the flames of the Death Star but it’s good. Ru’afo is consumed by flames, which seems like a dick move because he should really be held accountable and if they could get out Picard then they could get out Ru’afo.
‘Insurrection’ it could have been something really interesting. But it wasn’t. It was boring and feels overlong despite being the shortest ‘Star Trek’ movie.. It’s a really drawn out average TV episode. That’s all I can really say about it. I guess what shows from the ‘Next Gen’ movies is that as there is no arching thread throughout the movies or linked story, they do feel episodic and whilst ‘First Contact’ did show promise the other movies are really meandering and it is unclear what they are trying to say other than continuing the TV series. The fatigue seems to have set in with two TV series in their later seasons and ‘Next Gen’ on its third movie, the ‘Star Trek’ studio has become something of a factory and it shows. Aside from the crew it doesn’t really have anything about it that feels ‘Next Gen’ aside from various shades of beige. This could have been an interesting opportunity to explore corruption within the Federation, but how you make that interesting is a struggle. ‘Star Wars: The Phantom Menace’ came out soon after and demonstrated this very problem.
I’m glad we’ve reached ‘First Contact’ because it has a special significance for me. For me it is a Christmas film. ‘How and why?’ I hear you ask. Well this was the first ‘Star Trek’ film I ever saw. It must have been its terrestrial TV debut as it was a number of years ago and I was quite young, but old enough to work the timer on the VCR. Part of Christmas prep for me was going through the TV times, locating the best films and programming them in. Then when you got home the day it was on, it was there ready for you. It was like the novelty of internet shopping, before internet shopping and without money. Something for nothing. But ‘First Contact’ was something special because aside from the other family comedies and light hearted films, ‘First Contact’ was exciting! And for me weirdly that excitement is indelibly impressed on Christmas. I have the eidetic image of myself, my surroundings and the associated feelings when watching this movie. So I always make an effort to watch it around Christmas.
The film opens with a flashback to ‘The Best of Both Worlds’, the epic two part story where Captain Picard is assimilated into the Borg Collective. I wasn’t a regular watcher of ‘Next Gen’ when it was on BBC 2 but I do recall that story. But even if you don’t the significance is clear. Seeing Picard amongst those drones in what looks like a giant Argos warehouse. That shot communicates quite clearly what the Borg are, both physically and metaphorically. Picard awakes only to find a Borg implant erupt from his face. He again awakes from this ‘Inception’ type state. We’re only 5 minutes in and this is seriously gripping. Jonathon Frakes is absolutely knocks this out of the park. This is how you do an opening scene.
Also extra points because we are already in space ready to get on with the adventure. No getting the old team back together and salivating over the new Enterprise. But damn the Enterprise E is a damn fine ship, it is my joint favourite with the original refit. Picard assembles the crew to inform them about the Borg beginning their invasion of the Federation and that the fleet is preparing to engage. Or rather, everyone but them. Because of Picard’s experience with the Borg, the Enterprise is specifically excluded, which both Picard and the crew believe is ridiculous but orders is orders.
Entering the battle, starfleet is getting a pasting. Even the Defiant from ‘Deep Space Nine’, commanded by Mr Worf makes an appearance and is looking worse for wear. It’s an understated moment but Worf is preparing to give the command for collision course, which is a dramatic way of establishing his character to new audiences as well as demonstrating the desperation of the situation.
Of course the Enterprise swoops in to save the day. Picard orders the fleet to target a specific area on the Borg ship, which according to Data has no tactical significance. Nevertheless the concentrated fire causes the Borg ship to explode. It is never explained whether this was the result of Picard’s insider knowledge or just the result of focussed fire. But before the ship explodes it makes a little baby ship that travels back in time, to which the Enterprise follows after getting a glimpse of the Earth conquered by the Borg.
After briefly bombarding the Earth surface, the Enterprise manages to destroy the Borg sphere. Wishing to examine what damage the Borg might have done, Picard and the main cast, sorry, the away team beam down to the surface in search of one Zeframe Cochrane, the inventor of the first warp ship, the Phoenix. Cochrane is nowhere to be found, but the ship is still in one piece but has suffered some damage. It’s remarkable how Patrick Stewart manages to imbue this prop with such adoration and also history. He’s like a boy. His salivating is interrupted by machine gun fire. Not something often seen in ‘Star Trek’. However the sight of Data withstanding a while machine gun magazine being emptied into him combined with radiation exposure is enough to knock out Lily, Cochrane’s associate.
Geordi leads an engineering party to help repair the Phoenix, with a parting order to check the environmental controls in engineering. And so the assimilation of the Enterprise begins. Picard and Data return to the bridge in time to lock the Borg out of the ship computer as the Borg begin to shut off power to the rest of the ship. In sickbay, Crusher has to bring Lily round prematurely as the Borg are about to break in. Lily manages somehow to sneak away, whilst Crusher activates the EMH Doctor from ‘Voyager’. It’s a nice in universe nod to other parts of the franchise which might otherwise seem isolated, and it is a clever acknowledgement that the new Enterprise has all the latest gadgets including an Emergency Medical Hologram. Whilst you might expect hijinks with Crusher and the Doc, no such luck as Crusher begrudgingly activates him with the protest ‘I swore I’d never use one of these’. Which neatly wraps up why the EMH Doctor never appears again, as well as the attitudes held by actual Starfleet medical personnel. The Doctor’s scene is short, but fun as he protests at being ‘..a doctor, not a doorstop.’ and is backed against the wall, whilst trying to assess the Borg’s potential medical needs.
The Enterprise crew decide to go on the offensive, which allows Worf to neatly explain the Borg’s abilities from a tactical standpoint and Picard to explain from a human standpoint. Data’s emotion chip however rears its ugly head, but the script deals with that by simply turning it off. Simples. A shootout kicks off and the crew are very quickly overpowered and make a retreat. In the melee Data gets kidnapped and taken into the Borg’s central control, where they make forced attempts to retrieve the information to access the ship computer by physically drilling into his head, which isn’t usually a successful method of retrieving information.
One major development is that we are introduced to the Borg Queen, silkily, yet slimily played by Alice Krige. She is a vital addition to make this story work and make it engaging. To put a face to the Borg and give them a voice makes them a credible threat, whilst at the same time advancing and progressing them. Really bringing in an individual villain is contrary to what the Borg fundamentally are. However it is cleverly twisted to make her a personification of the Borg, which leads one to wonder is she a new development to enable them to progress or some kind of remnant from a bygone time? Without her this story would be little more than a retread of previous stories. She serves a secondary function in just explaining to a casual audience what exactly the Borg are and just discuss ideas. For example she manipulates Data by reactivating his emotion chip, which up to this point has been its best usage, and then seducing him. On paper a Borg trying to screw the information out of Data just should not work, but somehow it does, which is what makes it so engaging.
Picard however is ambushed by Lily who has managed to get her hands on a phaser and she wants some answers. Now tasked with the care of an innocent individual, dropped into a situation in which she doesn’t belong, Picard now has a conscience. In a situation for him, charges with such conflicted feelings, Lily is objective and impartial and it is firmly established that she isn’t going to stand for any BS, Captain or not. On the holodeck, Picard grabs himself a gun from a ‘Dixon Hill’ holonovel, which is a great callback to the TV series given that the Holodeck was such a big part of the series and this is the only film where it makes an appearance. Although that scene, just like that last sentence did baffle me for years before watching the TV series properly. Like everything though it does serve a purpose as Picard goes into overdrive in order to get hold of a Borg neural processor and find out the Borg are planning to turn the deflector dish into a beacon to contact the Borg in this time.
On Earth, Geordi, Troi and Riker have obliterated the prime directive given the captain isn’t able to remind them every 30 seconds and told Cochrane all about his future and it is enough to drive a man to drink. Rightly Cochrane is daunted by the man he should be. James Cromwell crafts such a complex character in Cochrane, who really is insecure knowing he should be better than he is, the lecherous drunk and having the weight and expectations of the entire future thrown onto his shoulders. Hero worship overcomes all of the crew in some way. Funnily enough Reg Barclay makes an appearance and a thoroughly undignified display of adoration towards Cochrane, to Geordie’s chagrin. Yet moments later, Geordi does the same telling Cochrane about the school named after him and the statue. Cochrane then ends up doing a runner. It’s worth mentioning that Geordi has ditched the visor by the way. Presented as such in ‘All Good Things’, his experience in ‘Generations’ is probably what prompted him to have the upgrade. It’s great for LeVar Burton to actually be able to use his eyes to emote as part of his performance now.
To stop the Borg from constructing their beacon, Picard, Worf and Lieutenant Hawk (guess what, he’s wearing a red shirt.) space walk out onto the hull of the ship. Now this scene adds nothing to the story but it is tense, stylish and surprisingly an old fashioned space walk is seldom seen in ‘Star Trek’. It also gives a rarely seen sense of scale between man and ship. So whilst there is little plot development, I shall talk about Worf briefly. In all of the Next Gen films, this is by far his best appearance, just because he gets to do something. In the following two films, if he was absent, nothing would change. So it is bizarre that efforts were made to write him in from ‘Deep Space Nine’ other than because he was part of the original crew. He gets some great action scenes here but also character moments, such as the idea that space walking would cause him to become extremely nauseous.
The deflector dish is disconnected from the ship and the beacon destroyed, but Hawk is assimilated during the mission. The destruction of the beacon reboots the story somewhat as the Borg Queen herself explains that their plans must change. Having won the battle but still losing the war, Picard is advised by Worf, Crusher and even Lily that the best course of action now is to self destruct the ship. It would seem to be the most effective course of action. Picard’s refusal would seem to be odd given this is a ship he hasn’t even had a year so he wouldn’t be sentimental. It would appear that it is more a case of in his eyes, admitting defeat and running away and hence having the audacity to call Worf a coward, in another great character moment. One of my favourite lines is ‘If you were any other man, I would kill you where you stand.’. Again, this makes so much more sense having watched the series as the respect that Picard and Worf develop for each other is extremely strong and is one of the best relationships forged in the series. Testing that here is a very brave thing to do, but indicates how blinded Picard has become by his vendetta against the Borg.
Lily then gives Picard a dressing down. Picard gives what he think is a damn good reason for not giving in to the Borg. On principle he must make them pay and suffer, the way they have made countless million others like himself suffer. God Patrick Stewart is superb in this scene and after so many Kirk led movies, seeing a Captain that is so deeply flawed and in this case vulnerable is an excellent exploration. A screaming match results in Picard snapping and smashing up the display of Enterprise models. This scene is sheer poetry as long an short, the realisation dawns that in clinging on in spite of the Borg, Picard would only destroy himself and everything that mattered to him anyway. Setting his feelings aside he can launch a meaningful blow against the Borg and get his remaining crew to safety.
Having located and successfully installed a hungover Cochrane, Riker and Geordi prepare to launch the patched up Phoenix and make the historic first warp flight. Cochrane continues to struggle with the pedestal the future has him placed upon and gives a frank summary of the man he really is. Only for Riker to use his own words against him. The launch countdown begins and the Phoenix launches with Cochrane’s stereo bellowing full blast. It’s a cheap gag, but I’ll allow it because this film continues to do the unexpected and subvert expectation. Leaving the atmosphere of the Earth, Cochrane is suddenly distracted by the Enterprise creeping up on them.
The Queen, having had her way with Data has begun grafting skin onto his endoskeleton a la Terminator, although in a very patchwork way. Given this is an unprecedented step for Data to take to becoming more human, it is an ironic twist on the Borg concept. Instead of implanting cybernetics onto organic life forms, they can also implant organics onto mechanical life forms. But would the change be (forgive the pun) skin deep? Or could the Borg feasibly make Data a fully organic being. Both have very meaningful connotations addressing what it means to be human and what change makes us. We are after all, more than the sum of our parts.
Seemingly under the Queen’s influence, Data unlocks the ship computer, cancels the autodestruct and prepares to fire at the Phoenix. In a carefully plotted moment of misdirection, the torpedo launched miss the Phoenix by meters. We never see the reactions of the Phoenix crew who must be wondering what the hell is going on. But in the confusion aboard the Enterprise, Data smashes one of the coolant tanks venting plasma into all of engineering. Whilst a dramatic moment… what was preventing Data from doing this much earlier is never made clear. Data and the Queen are consumed by the plasma, with Picard shimmying up a cable to safety. With the plasma extracted, Picard finds the mechanical endo skeleton of the Borg Queen, pathetically wriggling away, and breaks her neck. It’s another unexpected way of Picard getting his revenge. He gets that moment but not in the way you would anticipate. But you could still argue whether he was right to do it or not. Was it gratuitous murder in cold blood, or was he putting her too out of her suffering. Data on the other hand is missing half of his face, which isn’t a good look.
The Phoenix returns from its successful warp flight, which to all intents and purposes went as planned. And now Cochrane, Lily and the Enterprise crew await the moment of First Contact. On cue, a ship lands and from out of it steps a humanoid, who drops his hood to reveal some familiar pointed ears. With a standard greeting, the Enterprise crew slip away and plot a course for home, somehow.
Whilst I may be sentimental towards ‘First Contact’ and whilst it may not be quite in the original mould of ‘Star Trek’ the core is still the same. It may be more blockbustery and pulpy but damn is it exciting and entertaining and it still stands up and there is plenty to it if you scratch beneath the surface. It strikes a brilliant balance and to me, this is what ‘Star Trek’ is. This is the contrast of the ‘Star Trek’ philosophy at two extremes and the need to adapt and compromise through necessity. The universe of the 24th Century is truly something to aspire to and it can be quite daunting, as Cochrane found. It is apt that I am doing this review at the dawn of a new year, where we start fresh, restart the clock consider, where will we be at the end of the next year. What will change? What will remain? But every great journey starts with a first step. I would strongly recommend it to anyone.
Nerd World Problems 